My fiance wakes up around 6am to get ready for work but I was up a bit earlier than her this morning.
I have programmed a Hue light system around the apartment to simulate the natural shades of sunrise and sunset to help maintain circadian rhythm. I tried this after learning about our skin's eye-like receptors that 'see' UV light and, to my surprise, it works surprisingly well. We wake up way more naturally even in the cave-like room.
The light in our bedroom begins with a faint torch of yellow-ish red that brightens over the next 30 minutes. Today, the moment it flipped on, I was awake and had to pee. It was easy since there was no morning wood. I really should try drinking less water before bed or something.
After head hit the pillow again, I couldn't really fall back asleep. Consciousness entered a unique space in-between pretend sleep and a racing mind. This mental space happens when I'm more-or-less excited about life's obstacles but it has the unintended consequence of zapping the energy out of the next day.
My dog is laying in one of the better positions only attained when it's cold, lightning outside, or he's tired as hell. Right against my chest, I'm using him as a hugging pillow. I peek my eyes open and see my fiance sitting upright in the bed writing in her journal. She's fresh out of the shower and looks amazing. The yellow Hue of the light adding immense warmth to the room reflecting off her natural tone. Hair still wet draping down both rights of her neck.
My right hand reaches over and starts to explore the situation with some teasing. I feel the softness of her buttery moisturized skin. Realistically I've never initiated sex this early but unlike most mornings I was a bit more awake than usual so the thought crossed my mind.
I contemplated how I'd do it. We've been together for almost a decade, so I definitely have my favorite positions. I rescind my hand and lay it back on the pup. This time I actually fall asleep.
I wake up to her goodbyes and tell her to have a good day. She's my favorite person so I mean it. I have an alarm set for 7:30am and decide to turn it off to gain the benefits of having the right amount of sleep. This type of freedom is necessary for me to function optimally. I'm more sensitive to sleep schedules than most but still question how much personal energy and cognitive performance we leave on the table by forcing strict schedule.
My body tells me it's all good and ready. The first thing my mind goes to is sex and masturbation. This isn't all that uncommon but I usually ignore it. Acting on every self-sexual whim kills the libido and subdues energy levels. But the visual of my beautiful woman was sitting in the back of my head so I decided to get my headphones and paper towels.
Laying back down, I assume the usual position. Move the dog over, stack pillows to help lay at an upright angle, and keep a light blanket for good measure. I open my laptop and the first thought that came to mind was whether I should write about this sort of thing.
Really, it's a story of missed opportunity and it's the type of little moments that we too often let slip away.